That's great!

I do too!

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They say...

that animals take after their owners.

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I am curious...

Why would any police department need such a monstrosity such as this? This is your taxes.

Cat farts

Hillbilly Pig Farmer

A while back there was a young farmer who wasn't too bright, he decided that he needed to diversify a little to make the farm profitable and came to the conclusion that pigs were the answer.

Now our boy didn't know squat about pigs, but he bought himself five sows and a boar from the market and set the animals in the sty.

He was hoping to breed a few, sell a few, smoke a few, eat a few. Reckoned this was the way to go.

Time passed and the pigs didn't seem to be doing what boy and girl pigs should be doing.

So he called the local veterinarian, who explained that artificial insemination maybe was the way to go.

Now our boy had never heard of the 'artyseminashun' before, and asked the vet about it.

"It's where you gotta do it yourself," explained the vet.

"'In how do I know if them sows is pregnant?" Asked our boy.

"Well, if they're wallowing in the mud, they're pregnant, if they're just walkin' around, they aren't."

Our boy wasn't too sure what the vet meant, and once off the phone he got to thinkin'. "Shit! Gotta do it meself?" He thought over lunch. "Well, can't let the neighbours see this!"


So after lunch, he loaded the sows into the back of his little blue pickup and drove off to the woods where he proceeded to 'do it hisself'. Loaded the pigs back into the pickup back to the farm, pigs in the sty, milked the cows and feed the dogs and off to bed.

In the morning our boy looked outta the winda; the pigs was just walkin' around the sty.

"Maybe once wasn't enough," he thought to hisself.

After breakfast, he loaded the sows back into the little blue pickup and off to the woods again, and once again he 'did it hisself'. Pigs back in the sty worked around the farm after lunch, milked the cows, fed the dogs and off to bed.

In the morning he glanced outta the winda, sure enough, them pigs was still just walkin' around.

Over breakfast he thought, "Maybe just once more, but I'll do it good and proper before I ring the vet."

Pigs were back in the little blue pickup, down to the woods, and our boy spent all day 'doing it hisself'. He got back to the farm, bugger the cows, kicked the nearest dog and off to bed; he was exhausted. In the morning he was caste on the bed, couldn't move. He called to his wife to look outta the winda and tell him what the pigs were doing.


"Well," she said peering outta the winda, "they're all in the back of the pickup and one's hootin' that there horn!"

Ooooooooooh, Caturday....

Caturday!

In a nursing home....

Myrtle and George are sitting in their wheelchairs admiring the sunset over the gardens.

"You know Myrtle, what I miss?"

"What's that George?"

"A lady's hand to fondle the old fella."

"Why George, that's terrible, and at your age too!"

"Not so terrible Myrtle, it was fun in the old days, I guess it still could be. Do you think you might, just for old times sake?"

"Oh, I suppose I might..."

And the old couple spent a happy hour with Myrtle's hand tucked into Geroge's dressing gown.

The next night, once again Myrtle and George were down at the bottom of the garden.

"George, do you think I might... you know?"

"Why Myrtle, you've become a regular hussy."

"It was rather fun, wasn't it?"

So the next hour was spent similarly, with Myrtle's hand inside George's dressing gown.

This continued for some weeks, until one night, George didn't arrive for their usual tryst. Myrtle searched everywhere, she was worried sick.

Finally, tucked away in a back corner of the pool, she found him. She found him with Gladys, another of the residents, who had her hand tucked into George's dressing gown.

"George!" Exclaimed Myrtle, "What's she got that I haven't?"

"Parkinson's!" replied George meekly.

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LOL Cats

Milestone - Milestones

Wow, 20,000 visitors!

I was too lazy to make a 20,000, it's too damn hot to even think about Corel Draw today, we've already passed 41ºC and heading for 42 at 2pm.

It's so hot my fridge has has defrosted, and I didn't even switch it off.

Meow Meow is lying in a disheveled white mess on the floor.

Even the Icecream man has gone home and the bar is shut, so no beer, this is close to a national disaster.

Thanks to all those who have made this Milestone possible.

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Looking for a present...

For your wife?

An e-shopper's keyboard

For your daughter?

What better enticement to spend Dad's money than your own personal Hello Kitty credit card?

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Purrsday Kitteh #5

Make your dog a bed...

He'll appreciate it!

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Ball Balls, I've heard of...

But blue beer, never!

Check here for more info

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Ooooops....

How did that happen?

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